Nightmare Fuel 2021 IV: Annabelle

[Previous film in the series: The Conjuring]

Hot on the heels of the success of The Conjuring, a sequel was in the offing. But, since that one was going to be made by returning director James Wan and some quality control was being implemented, the studio looked for another way to capitalize on a burgeoning new franchise (thanks, Ed and Lorraine!). Enter the plague that is the prequel. So, we’re gonna look at the Perron family before the Rhode Island haunting? Nope. How about a deeper dive into Bathsheba Sherman and her travails? Nah, dude, nah. Uh, one of the Warrens’ earlier adventures? Sorta, sure. Hm.

So, remember that strange, hideous doll that was highlighted at the beginning of The Conjuring? Did ya wanna find out about how it got to that special case in the museum? No? Too fucking bad, we’ve got a franchise to milk, baby! As it turns out, the doll started out as a gift, as an addition to a doll collection. As luck would have it, some satanists made an attack on the family next door, and one of them came ’round and found her death whilst holding the doll. This satan-worshipper, by the by, is named Annabelle. Mind = blown. Later on down the road, the family has moved into a new apartment, and their daughter (still in utero during the aforementioned attack) is mostly grown. Oh, and the spirit of Annabelle seems to be pissed off, looking to continue her shit against this new family. But is it really Annabelle? (I mean, as we learned a year ago, no, it’s not, it’s apparently some demon. So let’s keep calling the doll Annabelle. Why the hell not?)

If it wasn’t clear by the cavalier nature with which I described the film, I don’t have much respect for this movie. It took a concept barely introduced as an intro stinger in the preceding film and then ran with it, all the while ignoring most of what made said film enjoyable in the first place. The visuals are properly dark, but there’s no atmosphere, no feeling of dread, no real tension. The sound design has been tweaked back into mediocrity, wherein jump scares and noise stings reign supreme atop an unholy throne. The rating hasn’t been dropped to a PG-13, but it sure as hell felt like it, as the scares are primitive and lazy, and the tone is as condescending as possible. Granted, the tweaking seems to have worked, as the film grossed quite a bit, mostly on the back of the existing Conjuring fanbase, against a very meager budget (we’re talking single digits of millions, kids, a pittance for a major-studio picture). Hell, I remember being in the theatre, the largest in the building, with a massive bunch of teenagers who seemed to eat the film up, reacting to the jump scares as intended. (It was a miserable experience for a misanthropic curmudgeon like me, lemme tell ya. At least the ticket was free.) I found precious little to be positive about: I kinda liked the scene with the apparition at the bottom of the stairs, but that delight was short-lived to say the least.

What this film showed was that side stories from the Conjuring universe could still make bank at the box office thanks to being related to a stronger base storyline, regardless of the laziness involved in the filmmaking. I would shudder to think what could come of this, but I kinda already know. Still, *shudder*. This film is an absolute joke, an insult to a solid franchise, and an insult to a normal-looking doll in reality (seriously, people have praised the design of this atrocious porcelain beast!?). At least we’re back to the main through line in our next outing…