I was handed a disc, prepped for some, as she put it, “cheese”. Anybody who’s known me longer than a few minutes knows that I can’t turn down a fine queso brick for anything (ask K-Tina about my affinity for her dip), and since I had no plans for my evening’s entertainment, I accepted the disc. If you’re able to read titles, you already know the aforementioned dairy product was The Decoy bride.
Here’s the basic skinny (none o’ that complicated skinny here, boyo): An uber-famous American actress is set to wed a British author, but things get hairy when they can’t keep the paparazzi away from the ceremony. They have the bright idea to whisk away to the outer Hebrides, generally assumed to be far from any eyes, prying or otherwise, for a private ceremony, only to have a particularly tenacious photog follow them. Upon discovering him, the bride-to-be knee-jerks off on her own, leaving her agent and crew to come up with a plan: hire a local girl to stand in for her to fool the paparazzo. Funny thing, though: sparks fly between the two. Shenanigans and romance ensue.
Yeah, it’s fluffy and cheese-laden as it likely sounds, but it certainly has its charm. For one thing, it’s got a great cast: You’ve got former Doctor David Tennant (seemingly doing his best Bill Nighy impression); Kelly MacDonald, the voice of Princess Merida and Llewellyn Moss’s wife from No Country for Old Men; Alice Eve, apparently not out of Tennant’s league (…I kill myself…); even Dylan Moran, the non-actress part of the “failed actress and a twat”.
And these folks are reciting some decently funny lines, as well. From this exchange: “I don’t trust that monk.” “People say he monkeys around.” To the quip, “Yeah, well, I’m full of shit. My last colonic took a week.” Say what you will about the setup and whatnot, but you can’t fault the writers for having some fun, eh? Plus, there’s enough Scottish accents about the place to make me forget that I’m out of scotch. (I mean, who doesn’t dig a feisty Scot, eh?)
In the end, you’ve gotta hand it to good ol’ Miss Cleo: She knows the good fluffer-nutters when she sees ’em. Trust her. I do, and it hasn’t steered me too poorly as of yet.
Allusions of Grandeur 