Escape Plan 2: Hades

Hey, kids, y’all remember Escape Plan?  Yeah, it came out almost five years ago, teamed Stallone with Schwarzenegger as a couple of guys breaking out of a boss prison.  It was one of the earliest free passes I got for myself when I worked at the movie theatre.  It wasn’t a bad flick, in fact I found it pretty entertaining at the time, if a touch preposterous, but it hasn’t proven to be all that memorable.  I had to look it up online to remind myself about the plot’s nuances.

Then I found out they made a sequel.  I’m not all that surprised, really, considering how often Hollywood churns out sequels and remakes and whatnot (including the massive straight-to-video sector), though the fact that a third film in this nascent franchise is already in production threw me for a minor loop.  Especially after I watched the first sequel.

Stallone’s back as Ray Breslin, the man famous for getting himself into prisons and breaking out of them.  Now he seems more into getting individuals out of tight spaces with the help of his mildly paramilitary team of operatives.  His apparent protege, Shu Ren, AKA the actual star of the film, gets tossed into a highly advanced prison because of his family connections (his relative has knowledge others want, so they both get incarcerated).  Now, this place ain’t no joke, as its layout shifts all the time (think a crappier version of Cube), it’s mostly automated, and it’s centered around an inmate fight club sort of thing.  Because of course.  It’s up to Shu and Ray to figure things out and thwart the prison’s machinations.

I don’t even know where to start with this one…

Hm.  Let’s start with the acting.  Pretty much everyone is bad here.  Seriously.  The real star, Huang Xiaoming, isn’t too bad, especially when he’s allowed to show off his martial arts skills, but his thick accent makes his lines difficult for a Midwesterner like me to make out perfectly, and he’s often given precious little to actually do.  It does help, though, that he’s basically written as a super-strong ninja of sorts, so he doesn’t have to do all that much in the way of complexity or depth.  Stallone isn’t on full sleepwalk mode here, but he’s inching dangerously close, relying on his innate charisma to carry him without putting in any additional effort.  In his defense, he wasn’t given a lot to try with, as most of role involves him speaking in Shu’s head in voiceover.  Curtis 50 Cent Jackson’s back (honestly, I totally forgot he was even in the first one), hooray, bringing with him plenty of mush-mouth line deliveries and a total lack of presence and acting ability.  Jaime King replaces Amy Ryan as one of Stallone’s operatives, and she basically does nothing and brings nothing to the role.  Nice.  It’s cute that they’re trying to make Jesse Metcalf (I last saw him as the worst lawyer in the world in God’s Not Dead 2) into some sort of badass, but it just doesn’t work, and he flops about throughout the film.  Dave Bautista is apparently only as good as his director, as his previous quality outings, like Blade Runner 2049 and the Guardians of the Galaxy series, are nowhere to be seen here, replaced by his former straight-to-video work in things like Wrong Side of Town.  Bit parts from Pete Wentz (the insufferable bassist from Fall Out Boy), Baylee Curran, and running back Devonta Freeman show that the casting here is not only all over the place, but is also unconcerned with quality at any level.  And it shows.

From the first scene on, the visual effects are atrocious.  During that scene, we’re presented with stock explosions that wouldn’t feel out of place in Birdemic 2 and which are composited so badly that you have no choice but to mock the cheapness and laziness before you.  Little changes in this regard as the film progresses, made all the more obvious by the shock effects inside the prison, which actually look like bad PhotoShop effects at times.  The editing is obnoxious throughout, showcasing such bad practices as cheap digital zooms, repeated camera motions (and insert shots), and headache-inducing quick cuts that serve no purpose than to artificially attempt to instill tension in scenes that clearly lack that characteristic intrinsically.  Speaking of headaches, the camera is constantly moving for no discernible reason, as though director Steven C. Miller (who, aside from his recent straight-to-video work with Bruce Willis, is best known for the static-shot-hating Automaton Transfusion (are we ever gonna get the promised sequel!?)) saw the Bourne movies and thought that action scenes just needed to have a seasick camera afflicted with a series of nervous tics.  The sound design is an absolute mess as well, made all the more apparent by some truly awful foley work that winds up too high in the mix, gifting us numerous scenes of movement accentuated by unnecessary sound effects, not unlike a poorly-dubbed chop-socky flick from the 70s.  In addition, the soundtrack from the Brothers Newton (whose work can be seen, rather heard, in Gerald’s Game, Open Water 3, Oculus, and Ouija: Origin of Evil) does the film no favors, sounding like a warped remixing of the iconic Blade Runner 2049 score at times and like stock action music at others.  The script, from returning writer Miles Chapman, is a downright unfunny joke, one that’s made all the more painful with the inclusion of cliche-ridden banter, only half of an original idea (if that), and one of the most strained and laughable villain motivations I’ve seen in some time.  Convoluted plotting isn’t the man’s forte, and it’s very obvious here.  The overall design of the film leaves an awful lot to be desired, from the dorky-looking prison robots (yes, there are robots in the prison, didn’t see that coming, did ya?) to the neon-bedecked cells (no, seriously, the cells just have a couple stripes of neon lights running along them, and someone thought that looked, y’know, good) to the trio of Icelandic computer nerds calling themselves “Legion” and looking like the grim reaper from Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, sans the robe.  There is precious little to compliment here, and I can’t readily think of anything off the top of my head.

But it likely doesn’t matter.  This film doesn’t exist solely because sequels and franchising are all the rage; that would have simply resulted in a quick straight-to-video affair.  This thing is going to theatres.  Now, this likely wouldn’t make much sense if I told you it made only $25 million at the box office, but that number only counts domestic sales: the film made over four times that number overseas, with China providing $40 million.  This tidbit, along with the Chinese production company helping get this film made (as well as its sequel, which is teased very stridently at the end of this one), explains why Shu is given the majority of screen time, and why the next film is going to involve Hong Kong.  Yup, the China baiting is in full effect here.  Now, I’m not against international marketing and whatnot, especially given my predilection toward Chinese and Korean films, but making it this blatant, baking the marketing into the narrative like this, just waters down the final product and engenders bad feelings among the domestic audience.  This film, with its myriad issues, looks to be nothing more than a cash-grab designed to squeeze the Chinese market.

I mean, aside from that motive, there’s no reason to see this movie.  It has little to do with its predecessor, makes little sense, looks and sounds awful, and is just plain bad film-making.  I kinda hope the Chinese market doesn’t take the bait, so that future attempts to fleece international crowds are thwarted before they’re allowed to come to full fruition.  Skip this thing, ’nuff said.