I know we’ve already covered some classics here on Nightmare Fuel, both this year and in years prior, but we’ve got an all-timer here today, kids. You know about Godzilla, you’ve lived through the Night of the Lepus, you may even have been one of the sixteen people to have seen Big Ass Spider, but do you know about Them? Yeah, it’s Them!, exclamation point included.
A nigh-catatonic girl (okay, she may have been fully catatonic, what do I look like, a doctor or somethin’?) is found wandering the New Mexico streets before being taken in by the authorities. Meanwhile, an odd bit of destruction, death, and missing persons has been noticed – also by the authorities – and investigations are underway. Not only are the police and FBI involved, so too are scientists under assignment from the Department of Agriculture, myrmecologists to be exact. (Them be ant-studiers, for those peasants not in the know.) These scientists present the aforementioned little girl with some fumes emanating from formic acid. Sure, sounds like a random thing to do, but it has an effect: The girl snaps to and begins screaming “Them!” Oh yeah, we’ve got a title, but to what does it refer? Who are “they”? Well, as is quickly revealed, “they” are a colony of irradiated ants. No big deal, you’re thinking? Wrong! The radiation has caused the ants to grow to enormous size, and they’ve begun to run amok. Worse, there’s a pair of queens setting out to establish their own colonies. It’ll be up to the military to take these creatures down before we’re overrun by massive insects.
Okay, yeah, this is one of the absolute cheesiest films to have ever been produced, I’m not gonna front. But, dammit, there’s just so much to like about it. The premise is played just earnestly enough for us to buy into the terror without being beaten over the head with it, and, honestly, the idea of gigantic ants traipsing through town is downright scary, if you ask me. The pace is lively and the acting is decent enough so that we can easily enjoy the leisurely ride through Cheestown.
Admittedly, the creature effects leave a bit to be desired, especially with obvious occasions of pipe cleaner antennae and whatnot. I also had a bit of a beef with the myrmecologists and their initial reluctance to reveal what they know/suspect before shit got real. I know you’ve gotta have some conflict, but isn’t fighting a colony of big-ass ants conflict enough?
There isn’t much else to say here, really. Them! is a fun, cheese-tastic creature feature, one that helped lay the groundwork for future giant-animal flicks, like the aforementioned Night of the Lepus, Beginning of the End, The Deadly Mantis, Tarantula, The Food of the Gods, and a whole host of others. I’d highly recommend it for a relaxed night of fun with friends (or alone, if you’re as misanthropic and/or introverted as yours truly), with or without booze: you’re bound to have a good time.
Allusions of Grandeur 