Escape Room

It’s January, kids, so you know there’s some shovelware horror garbage being tossed our way. Wouldn’t ya know it, this year’s entry into the pile (which holds previous years’ offerings like The Bye Bye Man and Rings) is trying to cash in on the escape room craze by turning the hobby into a sort of survival horror flick. Hooray. Let’s talk about Escape Room for a sec, shall we?

Now, interestingly enough, the film’s premise isn’t really all that bad, if a touch derivative: a selected group of people is invited to participate in a mysterious escape room, the “winner(s)” of which will receive the “hefty” sum of $10,000. (Don’t get me wrong, I’d be thrilled to get ten Gs, but it’s not all that much money when you think about it; it’s not the most enticing prize in the world.) We’re shown that these people all have some sort of traumatic backstory, and the room’s designers play into those histories as the group is toyed with. There are hints of The Game and Cube at play here, and the possibilities are myriad.

The problem comes from those films’ weaknesses, particularly the latter, namely a garbage fire of a script and some insanely weak and flat characterizations. Indeed, for as much as I love Cube, the characters are all obnoxious and grating, and the lines they have to speak make them come across even worse. Thankfully, the surrounding story is engaging and mysterious enough that I’m able to forgive the preposterous dialogue. Escape Room, unfortunately, doesn’t have this bit of saving grace, and the film leans pretty heavily on the poor characterizations. We know from the get-go who we’re dealing with, including a shy-yet-brilliant student, a puffed-up investment manager, and a dude who’s struggling to get by in a crappy economic situation. These are the characters we see before the room, anyway: we’re introduced to others when everyone gathers at the room, and though some of these folks get some backstory as well, they’re mostly there for Slipknot-style cannon fodder, cardboard cutouts not worth expanding upon ‘cause they’re just gonna be killed off anyway. Poor dude-who’s-really-into-escape-rooms-and-serves-as-a-berdy-punching-bag, we hardly knew ye. Spoilers, I guess. Regardless of whether or not the characters have some motivation to want the $10K, they are all saddled with some horrendously bad dialogue that feeds from their singular traits, be it winter-take-all greed/opportunism or inherent douchiness. Peachy. Our investment man embodies the former, and he’s constantly spouting some dig at the others, especially the aforementioned nerdy guy, making him even more unlikeable than his real-world counterparts. The shy, quiet student is conveniently too smart for the world at times, and though she’s mostly spared the truly heinous dialogue (don’t worry, they just have her mumble the obvious stuff that moves the narrative along, so she’s got that going for her), she’s subject to some bafflingly condescending moralization from her peers and professors, including the always-shiny gem of “Do something that scares you this weekend” (she needs to grow a backbone, y’see). Gag me. Writers Bragi Schut and Maria Melnik (who, aside from some television work, gave us the glorious Season of the Witch a few years ago, just to give an idea of the level we’re on here) make sure that no character is allowed to be, y’know, decent, and that everyone is at each other’s throats throughout, furthering the cliché pioneered by any claustrophobic or apocalyptic film scenario of the past several decades, ‘cause why bother messing with a sociologically weak formula when you can just be lazy for the sake of narrative contrivance? You’ve seen – and hated – these characters before, and they’re just as annoying and forgettable as always. As if this weren’t bad enough, the film is directly stated to be set in Chicago, but there’s no discernible reason for this. Sure, we get some B-roll of the city, and Logan Square is mentioned once, but that’s it. Maybe it’s because the film was actually shot in South Africa to keep the budget down, and the producers wanted to hide this fact. Maybe it’s in service of the shameless sequel-baiting at the end. Who’s to say for sure? Oh, and let’s not forget that we get a good portion of the finale at the very beginning of the film, ‘cause I guess we needed an exciting cold open, even though it kinda takes the mystery out of who’s gonna survive to the end. Couldn’t just shoot some other escape room stuff with other people, no, that would make too much sense (or, rather, it would cost a few more bucks, and we can’t let our margins slip, now can we?).

Luckily, the film deviates ever-so-slightly from the current mold of cheap cash-in horror in certain areas. Jump scares are basically non-existent here, a decidedly welcome surprise, and the monotony of setting one can feel from Cube-like films is replaced by a series of distinct and themed rooms, providing some welcome variety from our threats. Some of the acting is actually fairly decent, with Daredevil’s Deborah Ann Woll appropriately standing out, trying desperately to make something of the threadbare script she was handed. Director Adam Robitel (probably best-known for his work on Insidious: The Last Key, another January horror dump) keeps the camera mostly still and fluid, allowing us to actually take in and absorb our surroundings with the characters, DP Marc Spicer (of Lights Out and Furious 7 fame) ensures we’re able to visually make out and keep track of what’s happening (you’d be surprised how rare this is these days), and editor Steve Mirkovich (who’s cut Hardcore Henry, Con Air, and 16 Blocks, alongside horror dreck like the aforementioned Rings, Valentine, and the American One Missed Call) keeps things smooth and comprehensible throughout. Combine these positives with the underlying potential of the premise, and you could have had a decent flick, were it not for the abominable script.

Said script kills every single positive thing I could say about the film when things lurch into the ending and extended coda. The climax is every bit as contrived, lazy, and derivative as the preceding action, just with anabolic steroids coursing through its cinematic veins. You’ve seen this ending several times before, and nothing – not a goddmamned thing – has been added to make this film either stand out or even make much sense. It’s overtly preposterous in the most infuriating way. Then the coda kicks in, basically setting up a sequel (if not a fucking series!) that actually promises to be more of the same inanity we just sat through. No thanks.

So, yeah, this film isn’t nearly as outwardly and unflinchingly bad as previous Januarys’ offerings, but every bit of potential and positivity is undermined by laziness and the poor script, especially during the maddening ending. It’s still not a film that I’d warn people away from with wild eyes and shaky gesticulations, but it’s far from something I’d recommend as well, even as a premium-channel watch in a few months. It’s not out-and-out horrible, but it also lacks anything worthy of taking up a little more than ninety minutes of your time.