I remember it all fairly well: After an entire life, all of twelve years’ worth, spent without a Godzilla movie hitting local theatres, finally one was being released nationwide. And it was an American version, too, complete with tie-ins with all sorts of corporate sponsors. Not gonna lie, I was particularly enthralled with the Taco Bell stuff, that adorable little chihuahua going “Here, leezard, leezard, leezard!” and trying to catch the monster in one of those string-stick-box traps (I’ll look up the word later, but you know what I mean, you saw ‘em all the time in Bugs Bunny cartoons). Oh, and let’s not forget about the soundtrack, featuring a remix of Green Day’s “Brain Stew” and a collaboration between – get this – Jimmy Page and Puff Daddy! I was so hyped for this release, I even bought one of those cheap fan mags previewing the film, complete with stock set photos and a lot of speculation, the plot still being kept under wraps. When it finally came out, I was thrilled. I loved it. I bought the VHS immediately when it came out months later.
As the years have worn on, my opinion of this American Godzilla film has mostly ebbed, as has that of just about every critic and G-fan around. Things got so bad that we all cheered when a little version of the featured creature showed up in Godzilla: Final Wars (we’ll get to it soon, kids, I promise) only to be quickly thrashed and dispatched by the true King of the Monsters. Having recently seen the episode of FilmJoy’s Deep Dive covering the film, it appears a minor reappraisal may be in the offing, but there’s a lot of ground to recover. Is it even worth it? Let’s find out for ourselves!
The plot follows a contingent of American military and scientific folks as they investigate a series of potentially related anomalies, like ships sinking due to what look like claw marks and massive footprints in the soft earth of Pacific and Caribbean islands. It turns out, a new species has emerged, essentially an irradiated iguana (or something approaching that description) grown to immense proportions, and it’s headed right for New York City. Cue the inevitable rampage and vain attempts by the military to take the thing down. Meanwhile, some French intelligence agents are also on the case, which has expanded to a bunch of about-to-hatch eggs. Shudder.
Gotta say, a lot of the ire this picture gets is decidedly earned, but there’s also plenty that’s just plain misplaced. Many of the practical effects are actually pretty great, but the digital effects are certainly showing their age these days, especially with higher-definition media shining such a strong light on them. The various subplots, particularly the sorta/kinda romance thing between Matthew Broderick and Maria Pitillo, are almost completely unnecessary and terribly written. The acting is uneven all around, with Broderick barely emoting at all (though the script hardly requires him to), Pitillo unable to move past her initial vague sweetness (but, dammit, my teenage crush on her was rekindled during this viewing), and the supporting cast pulling a Roland Emmerich usual and barely embodying a single character trait; Hank Azaria, meanwhile, is trying his best, Harry Shearer is just as sleazy as he wants/needs to be, and Jean Reno bringing his usual subtlety and coolness to the proceedings. The script is weak at best, not just due to unneeded and half-developed subplots, but because of all of the nonsense: there’s a running joke (nearly the whole fucking movie!) concerning Broderick’s character’s last name being hard to pronounce (it’s Tatopolous, just so you can see that it’s one of the easiest Greek surnames out there); the French dudes apparently can’t stand American coffee; the filmmakers have hardly sense of who/what Godzilla is, making him a friggin’ iguana that doesn’t breathe fire and is susceptible to military firepower (not to mention lacking any of the monster’s nuclear symbolism and whatnot, though, admittedly, most of the series’ entries forget about that bit); and one of the main character arcs revolves around Audrey finally making it as a reporter, despite the fact that she should probably be more worried about, y’know, the giant fucking monster rampaging through the city. Oh, and the third act totally rips off Jurassic Park (nope, that’s not homage, that’s nearly plagiarism). And the jokes suck. Did I miss anything?
So, yeah, it’s a deeply flawed film, but it’s not the total flaming dumpster the fans have made it out to be in the intervening years, myself included. It’s worth a re-watch if you remember it vaguely or fondly or poorly, and I’m fairly certain a mild reappraisal is in the offing soon enough, but I don’t expect major love to come pouring its way.
But by way of extended sidenote, I wanna bring up the film’s soundtrack. It’s a fucking hoot, kids! A dusty relic of the late-‘90s music scene, it’s a trip from front to back. Going track by track, we’ve got:
- A cover of David Bowie’s “Heroes” by the Wallflowers. I generally dig the group’s work, but Jakob Dylan’s vocals just cannot do the song justice. What should be subtly soaring is instead breathy and kinda raspy, making me wonder whose idea this debacle was.
- The centerpiece of the album, featured in so many promotional spots and an overblown music video (as was the style at the time), the long-awaited collaboration between Puff Daddy (as he was then still known) and Jimmy friggin’ Page, “Come with Me”. The “Kashmir” sample and underlying beat work really well together, and they’d definitely rock in a better song, but Combs just can’t bring the heat his lyrics speak of with his meek voice, and the whole thing just sounds like empty, vacuous posturing. What a waste.
- Jamiroquai’s “Deep Underground”. Not the band’s best work. I have no idea why this is here, a trend we’ll see continue throughout the album.
- Rage Against the Machine’s “No Shelter”. Remember how everybody made a big deal about Metallica finally deigning to be part of a soundtrack when Mission: Impossible 2 came out? (Awesome song, by the by.) Yeah, how about Rage contributing a track to a Columbia/Tristar picture? The lyrics are mostly anti-corporate, making this inclusion all the more hilariously ironic. The song’s pretty decent, far from their best, but it’s not bad. I dunno what to think here.
- “Air” by Ben Folds Five. Uh, again, why the hell is this here? It’s a lilting song not unlike the group’s other efforts (it’s highly reminiscent of “Brick”), and that’s all I can really say about it.
- Days of the New’s “Running Knees”. Another solid band lending its skills to this mish-mash without apparent rhyme or reason. It’s fine, but they’ve done so much better.
- Michael Penn’s “Macy Day Parade”. Do people call it “Macy Day”!? Regardless, this song isn’t very good, and it’s another entry in the “Why the hell is this here?” ledger.
- Fuel’s “Walk the Sky”. Fuel sounds incredibly like a discount version of mid-career STP here, and I mean that as disparagingly as possible.
- Foo Fighers’ “A320”. Another “Why is this here!?” song, the Fighters of Foo (someone has to do it!) sound like a watered-down version of their own “Next Year” here, and that’s not a place you wanna be.
- Green Day’s “Brain Stew”. Aw, yeah, here we go! This song was given a soundtrack-exclusive remix, adding some Godzilla roars at intervals and some backing strings. The former just make me laugh every time they happen, and the latter actually work fairly well, surprisingly. I don’t know how the band thought felt about the strings, what with their yen toward a harder sound at the time, but, hey, they made “Good Riddance” that way, so whatever.
- Silverchair’s “Untitled”. Its lyrics are a bit dark for this project, but it’s not too bad. Beats the hell outta Simple Plan’s “Untitled”, though…
- Fuzzbubble’s “Out There”. I have never heard of this band, and they sound like a dime store version of Nirvana wannabes here. That’s all I’ve got, the song isn’t very good.
- Joey DeLuxe’s “Undercover”. Oh, the late ‘90s. This is a relic of the lounge revival scene that pervaded the era for a brief time, and it’s not horrible, just horribly mediocre. I have no idea why this one’s here, either, just another track to add to the list.
Then there’s a pair of bits of David Arnold’s score. Nothing special, nothing even outstanding from his work here, either. What a sad way to close such a ridiculous album, right? What even was this thing!?
Anyway, despite the fact that Toho gave the film their blessing, they were not exactly pleased with how it turned out. Partially as a reboot of their prized series, partially as a way of ersatz damage control, Toho would release their next Godzilla picture in a couple years, and it’d even play in American cinemas! Keep ‘em glued, kids.
Allusions of Grandeur 