Here it is, finally, kids. Worry not, I’m not late: I’m thorough. And yes, I stole that joke from Todd in the Shadows. He’s free to sue me.
Seriously, though, I wanted to wait until I could safely say that I got a full picture of the year in film that was 2017. Sure, the world around us was basically a dumpster fire in a number of ways, but there were still glimmers of hope and glee out there. Comedy remains basically dead, at least as a pure genre, but style looks to be making a comeback. I feel, though, that the main takeaway from 2017 is the march toward baseline mediocrity.
Basically, there was a dearth of truly great films (as per usual, frankly), but there was also, somewhat surprisingly, a dearth of truly garbage films. I had an actually difficult time distilling the love and hate down to manageable levels. What that leaves is a wide field of films that just kinda sit there, existing, eliciting no strong feelings either way. And that field is pretty dang-ol’ big, kids. And that’s a problem. Sure, it’s nice to see a decrease in films that make me wanna rage against the sky and the Earth and whatnot, but leaving a theater shrugging and soon forgetting what I just watched is arguably worse. Especially when the financials are taken into account. Y’see, if Hollywood still makes enough of a profit from these mediocrities to keep going and doesn’t see the kind of harsh negative backlash that accompanies the garbage piles, they’re likely just gonna persist on releasing mediocre films. If you don’t see that as a problem for the consumer, I can’t help you.
But, like I said, good stuff still gets made. All told, my count for the year totaled 195, a number that’s more than respectable, if I do say so myself. There were plenty I either missed, like Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, or flat-out skipped, like Father Figures, CHiPs, and The Greatest Showman, but just under 200 gave me a good view of the year’s offerings. The list follows:
All Eyez on Me*
All the Money in the World
American Assassin
American Made*
Amityville: The Awakening
Annabelle: Creation
Atomic Blonde
Baby Driver*
A Bad Moms Christmas
Battle of the Sexes*
Beauty and the Beast
Before I Fall
The Beguiled
The Belko Experiment*
Betting on Zero
Beyond the Spectrum
The Big Sick*
Birth of the Dragon
Blade Runner 2049
Bleeding Steel*
The Book of Henry*
The Boss Baby
Bright*
Brigsby Bear*
Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack
The Bye Bye Man
Call Me by Your Name
Captain Underpants
The Case for Christ
The Circle
Coco*
Collide*
Colossal*
Cult of Chucky
A Cure for Wellness*
Darkest Hours*
Despicable Me 3
Detroit*
The Dinner
The Disaster Artist
A Dog’s Purpose
Downsizing*
Dragonheart: Battle for the Heartfire
Dunkirk*
The Emoji Movie*
Evil Bong 666
The Exception
Ferdinand
Fifty Shades Darker
Fist Fight*
Flatliners
The Florida Project*
The Foreigner
47 Meters Down*
The Founder*
Free Fire*
Friend Request*
Geostorm*
Gerald’s Game
Get Out*
Ghost in the Shell
A Ghost Story*
Gifted*
Going in Style
Gold*
Good Time*
Goodbye Chritopher Robin*
The Great Wall*
The Guardians*
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Happy Death Day*
The Hero*
Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie
Hidden Figures
The Hitman’s Bodyguard*
The House*
I, Tonya*
An Inconvenient Sequel
Ingrid Goes West*
Is Genesis History?
It
It Comes at Night*
Jeepers Creepers 3
Jesus, Bro!*
Jigsaw
John Wick: Chapter 2
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Just Getting Started*
Justice League
Kidnap*
The Killing of the Sacred Deer*
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
Kingsman: The Golden Circle
Kong: Skull Island
Kung Fu Yoga*
Lady Bird*
Lady Macbeth
Last Flag Flying
The Last Word*
Leatherface
The Lego Batman Movie
The Lego Ninjago Movie
Life*
Live by Night
Logan
Logan Lucky*
The Lost City of Z
The Love Witch*
Loving Vincent*
The Man Who Invented Christmas
Mark Felt: The Man Who Brought Down the White House
Marshall*
Max 2: White House Hero
Megan Leavey*
The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)*
Molly’s Game
A Monster Calls
Monster Trucks
mother!*
The Mountain between Us
The Mummy
Murder on the Orient Express
My Cousin Rachel
My Happy Family*
My Little Pony
New Trial
9/11
November Criminals
Okja*
Oklahoma City
The Only Living Boy in New York*
Open Water 3: Cage Dive
Paradox*
Past Life*
Patriots Day*
Patti Cake$*
Personal Shopper*
The Pirates of Somalia
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Pitch Perfect 3
Pottersville*
Power Rangers
The Promise*
Puppet Master XI: Axis Termination
A Quiet Passion*
Railroad Tigers*
Raw*
The Red Turtle*
The Resurrection of Gavin Stone*
Rings
Rock Dog*
Roman J. Israel, Esq.*
The Saint
The Shack
The Shape of Water*
Silence
A Silent Voice
Slamma Jamma*
Sleepless
Sleight*
Snatched*
The Snowman
Song to Song*
The Space Between Us
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Split
The Star
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Stronger
A Taxi Driver*
Thelma*
Thor: Ragnarok
Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri*
Tulip Fever
12 Feet Deep*
Unforgettable*
A United Kingdom
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Victoria and Abdul
The Villainess*
The Void*
War for the Planet of the Apes
The Watcher in the Woods
What Happened to Monday*
Wind River*
Wish Upon*
Witchcraft 14: Angel of Death
Witchcraft 15: Blood Rose
Witchcraft 16: Hollywood Coven
Wonder
Wonder Wheel*
Wonder Woman
XX*
Your Name
The Zookeeper’s Wife
I was able to make the full alphabet run this year, so that’s a thing. I also made a point of noting which of the films was an original piece, or, at least, not an adaptation or sequel (marked with a * above). I’ve heard quite a bit of noise over the past few years concerning an apparent lack of originality in stories, so I figured I’d keep track. As it turns out, 90 out of 190 (I took the documentaries out of the equation) were original stories, 47%. Allowing for some interpretation and wiggle room, I’d bump it to about 50%. Honestly, considering the doom and gloom of the thinkpieces and such, I’d call that pretty good. Not great, necessarily, but pretty good.
Speaking of documentaries, much like last year, I didn’t find my way to very many of them this year, even though a few stuck out and piqued my interest and never got seen. Of the five I did manage to get around to, I’d have to say that Oklahoma City was the best, as it provided a nice timeline of the 1995 bombing in a visually interesting way, while also thrusting quite a bit of pathos my way. Honestly, though, it really only wins because the others were either by-the-numbers or downright crappy: An Inconvenient Sequel was more about Gore and his cause than, y’know, the whole climate change thing it’s allegedly about, and Is Genesis History? went into things with its title question answered in the affirmative, and thus it didn’t really try to, y’know, prove it in any effective way.
As for foreign films, I went out of my way to see a few, which led me to fourteen. The stats: three Chinese, three Korean, two Japanese, one Russian, one French, one Norwegian, one Chinese and Thai, one Polish and Hebrew, and my first Georgian film. There were plenty of winners here, including the surprisingly entertaining The Guardians from Russia, the strong Raw from France, the emotional anime features A Silent Voice and Your Name from Japan, and the intriguing and original coming-of-age flick Thelma from Norway. All of these deserve some solid praise.
But for the true bit of closure, we come to the main event:
And there you go! What did you guys think of the past year? Agree or disagree with me? Lemme know. Bring it, kids! Here’s hoping 2018 goes well…
Allusions of Grandeur 