Venom

So I was something of a Marvel fanboy growing up in the ‘90s. I was introduced to the whole Universe by my brother via a set of trading cards, and the obsession stuck, replacing the Ninja Turtles with Spider-Man and the X-Men. Since I was getting into things at that particular time, one of the most popular Spider-Man characters around was Venom, and I mostly dug the long-toothed, even-longer-tongued symbiote. I don’t think I quite understood the concept of symbiosis at the time, but I did understand Venom’s origin: He was the result of Spider-Man connecting with a strange alien costume during the Secret War (don’t ask, I kinda hate that crossover (and most other ones of that magnitude, for that matter)), the suit trying to take him in something of a sinister direction, the suit separating from him and finding Peter Parker’s nemesis (long story?) Eddie Brock, and the culminating manifestation was Venom, a villain with pretty much all of Spider-Man’s powers, some (if not all) of his memories, and a boosting alien symbiote to boot. He was a fearsome foe, indeed, and was gobbled up by the comic-reading masses of the time, who were big on edgy characters (Venom’s creator, Todd McFarlane, would shortly go on to create Spawn), so much so that Venom soon developed such a following that he was spun-off into his own series and a new persona: anti-hero. Again, I never fully got the whole “Lethal Protector” schtick, but the character was still pretty cool.

Flash forward to today, where Marvel properties are major cinematic tentpoles, and the Spider-Man universe is in something of a state of flux as Marvel studios takes over from Sony (sorta/kinda). Fans have already forced Venom into a film – against the filmmakers’ wishes, mind you – and his following remains fervent, demanding he gets his proper due. So we get Venom.

This time out, we’ve removed the whole Spider-Man aspect to the origin story, yet ironically kept the bit from the ‘90s cartoon where the suit comes to town via space shuttle mission headed by John Jameson (yup, he’s his son, though this looks to just be tossed in as an Easter egg of sorts). Here, though, the mission is the brainchild of a crazed Elon Musk-like billionaire, who will be our bland corporate villain for the film. Our symbiote friend finds its way to down-on-his-luck investigative reporter Eddie Brock (who doesn’t seem to even know Parker, much less hate him, so, yeah, no Spider-Man link here at all) and bonds with him, giving him superhuman abilities while relying on him for sustenance. But they’re still being hunted by our billionaire friend, of course, and there’s also the threat of a potential invasion at the hands of scores more of the symbiotes.

The film plays out like a rehash of Upgrade, just with a familiar character pulling the strings of our hapless protagonist. I don’t know which set of filmmakers cribbed which (if cribbing was done, mind you), but it’s impossible not to see the similarities, like Armageddon and Deep Impact back in 1998. Here, though, the villain comes across as far too shallow and milquetoast for the context (I mean, there’s alien parasites looking to take us over, dammit!), the visual effects are sub-par (looking overly-cartoon-y and painfully artificial, especially for how far they’re trying to reach), and the script is absolutely atrocious. I have no problem with Brock and Venom trading quips and barbs, but the ones employed in this screenplay are terrible, exemplified by the infamous “turd in the wind” line bewilderingly included in the trailers. I felt horrible for Tom Hardy having to read this drivel, which likely gave him flashbacks to Minotaur. Beyond that, characterization and motivation outside of Brock is shallow as all hell, especially for poor Michelle Williams: It’s difficult to tell if she knows the script is bad and she’s just sleepwalking through it or if the script is just so bad that it’s precluding her from being able to give much more. Similarly wasted is Riz Ahmed, who I’m surprised wasn’t tenting his fingers at all times, what with the little he was given in an already flat role.

That said, I genuinely had some fun with the film, though often in spite of its hack-y dialogue. There are plenty of real laughs to be had – intended and otherwise – and the pain of the script is occasionally overcome by some decent (if slightly shoddily-animated) action sequences. I may not see the point in making a Venom movie like this, aside from cashing in on fanboy demands (rarely a great idea, but we’ve seen some interesting things with Marvel characters lately, and we’ve also gotten much, much worse, so…), especially if the link to Spider-Man is gonna be jettisoned like this, but it’s enough of an enjoyable flick that I just can’t bring myself to hate it. It’s nowhere near terrible, save perhaps in the script, but it’s certainly a far drop from the usual Marvel fare (yet mostly in step with other Sony products). It’s worth a rental or a free viewing later on down the line, especially if some moderate amounts of booze can be paired with it.